Ways to respond to stress and build resilience
Sometimes the desire to stay tightly closed, like the safe cocoon of budding blossoms, is stronger than our ability to bloom. Spring energy may be there but life’s stressors can have us springing to protect, willing us to remain where we are.
Stress can show up in all sorts of ways - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. For me lately, it’s been showing up in my thoughts. I’ve been focusing on the negative; what’s not happening, what I’m lacking, what’s not going well.
Just shows, for someone who has practised mindfulness of thoughts and focusing on the good for a while now, our minds can still get the better of us. Our thoughts impact our emotions every moment and, in turn, impact the way we cope with stress.
Two Arrows
There is a well-known Buddhist parable about dealing with suffering more skilfully. The story goes that, every time we encounter suffering, we are struck by two arrows. The first arrow is painful, but the second arrow is more painful.
The Buddha said,
‘In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.’
A stressful event or situation may happen which may cause us unavoidable pain - this is the first arrow. However, we’re then hit with a second arrow when we respond to that situation by judging, blaming or criticising ourselves, or acting in unhelpful ways. We’re then left with more pain through shame, judgement, fear or anger.
Imagine you’ve put yourself out there for something and not had a response from the other person. You feel some rejection or vulnerability which causes some pain. You then start thinking, ‘Why haven’t they responded yet?’ ‘They don’t care,’ ‘Why am I even bothering?’ ‘There’s no point,’ ‘I’m useless,’ ‘No-one wants me.’ The catastrophising sends a big second arrow to the heart, and it’s often wholly unrealistic, yet it leaves us dealing with a whole lot more stress and suffering.
We have control
We can’t change external pressures and situations. Life happens and some of that is simply out of our control. There will always be stress, it’s part of being human. Stress can actually also be a good thing; it allows us to learn, change, grow and become more resilient.
“What’s most important is how we respond to stress, that’s what we’re able to control.”
How to resource yourself
April is Stress Awareness Month so I wanted to share how I’ve been resourcing myself lately…
Mindful walking in nature
My absolute number 1 when I’m feeling pressure and stress. The emphasis, here, is on the mindful; appreciating the sights, colours, textures, sounds around you whilst you walk allows you to get out of your head and connect with something greater than yourself.
Journaling
In particular, I wrote a list of everything and anything that’s been causing me stress lately…it was a full A4 page. When you see everything laid out in front of you, it’s easier to offer yourself compassion for what’s on your plate and understand why you’re feeling the way you do. Think about the thought processes and stressful self-talk you may be offering yourself as well as the more tangible things. See the journal prompts below to help you once you’ve made your list.
Easing pressure on your to-do list
This is a whole lot easier when you’ve found some self-compassion for what you’re experiencing through journaling. When it’s down on paper in front of you, it makes it easier to see what you can remove or how you can talk with more kindness to yourself. Write an ‘essential only’ to-do list and take notice of any guilt for this. Ask yourself, ‘What does ‘good enough’ look like?’
Taking 10 extra minutes in the morning
I’ve been doing a 10 minute longer yoga practice for some extra resourcing. As our demands go up, so must the ways in which we look after or energise ourselves. Think of it like weighing scales, if there’s more weight on the stress scale, we have to balance that weight with the things we do to look after ourselves and release tension. A tip is to swap 10 minutes of a task that’s not essential for 10 minutes of doing something for yourself.
Simply acknowledge your stress
This allows you to feel understood and seen, in the same way that labelling your emotions calms down the stress response in your brain. Simply acknowledging what you’re experiencing will ease the pressure. Notice where you feel that relief in your body. Take a moment to acknowledge rather than pushing through with unhelpful thoughts like, ‘Everyone’s stressed, I just need to carry on,’ or, ‘My to-do list just needs to get done.’
Journal prompts
What is causing you stress at the moment?
How are you currently responding to stress?
What second arrow of stress can you remove?
What’s one helpful behaviour you can make time for this week that will help change how you respond to stress?
What non-essential task can you swap for 10 minutes of doing something for yourself?
Experiencing stress is unavoidable but we can feel empowered by knowing that our response to it is within our control. I hope this helps you to respond to stress in a more helpful, compassionate way. Let me know in the comments what helps you when under stress and we can share knowledge that will benefit us all.
With love,
Suzi x
If you’d like support with becoming more resilient, my 1:1 coaching might be for you.