Use The Feelings Wheel to label emotions specifically

Emotions are nuanced. They can be multi-layered, confusing and tricky to fully understand; sometimes quiet, hidden and resistant, sometimes intense, overpowering and all-consuming.

When you can name an emotion specifically, you can find contentment; there’s a ‘YES!’ that calls from within. That yes is our true self, shouting out that it has been heard, understood, acknowledged. Through naming and labelling emotions, we come to understand ourselves, we can control emotional behaviour more (it literally calms down the limbic brain responsible for the fight-flight stress response), we can communicate our needs more clearly and we can offer ourselves compassion more easily. 

Even research tells us that's the case. People who can differentiate between their emotions are less likely to drink to excess when they drink when stressed (Kashdan, Barre & McKnight, 2015) and less likely to react with aggression to someone who’s hurt them (Pond et al, 2012).

The Feelings Wheel

A really helpful tool to improve your understanding of your emotions and help you find the right language to communicate them is The Feelings Wheel, developed by Gloria Willcox. Save it to your phone so you can quickly refer to it and help yourself when you’re in the throes of intense emotion.

How to use it

• In the moment - When a situation has led you to feel something you don’t quite understand, check the Feelings Wheel and delve into the emotions. Do you feel a quiet pull of sadness? Follow this part of the wheel to the middle band - maybe it’s a case of feeling lonely and, when you follow that through to the outer band, you realise you’re feeling isolated or abandoned.

Understanding the specific nature of an emotion means we can better understand the need we’re craving to have met. Sadness becomes the feeling of isolation so we can seek out connection from loved ones and satisfy the need for social contact and belonging. Going further, communicating that emotion and need will allow you to feel understood - send a text to a close friend, “I’m feeling really isolated at the moment, can we arrange to hang out?” That kind of emotional honesty will also strengthen your relationships so it really is a win-win!

• To reflect on the day or week - The same as delving into your emotions in the moment, use the Feelings Wheel to reflect on how your day or week has been. Ask yourself, ‘What emotions did I experience today/this week?’ and use it to identify common patterns of emotion relating to people, situations or your general mood. You can spot what may be energising you or what may be causing you stress. 

• A long-term situation - If you’re confused about how a long-term situation may be impacting you or you’re struggling to make decisions on how to move forward, the Feelings Wheel can help you to do so.

  Maybe you’ve been feeling bad in a certain relationship for a while but you’re not sure why. Following the bands of the wheel, maybe you actually feel stressed and, specifically, out of control. It could be a sign that you need to set boundaries with that person so, by labelling your emotions, you can see how you might carve a path forward.

Allow and have compassion

When we come to understand our emotions and the underlying needs being satisfied or unsatisfied, we can begin to find compassion for what we’re feeling. Rather than pushing away the discomfort of negative emotions, we can understand and allow them. Find gentle compassion for the overwhelm we’re feeling that we’d just dismissed as an annoying fear.

On the brighter side of the wheel, we can realise our happiness is because we feel valued and respected. We can then make sure we savour such positivity or even start to  make more time in our lives for the people who made us feel that way.

I hope you enjoy the awareness and compassion that comes from navigating your emotions with The Feelings Wheel and I hope, even more deeply, it allows you to connect closer to your true self.

With love,

Suzi x

P.s. Once you’ve mastered the Feelings Wheel for yourself, it’s also a great tool to use with kids.

If you’re interested in understanding your emotions more and working with me, please get in touch.